


Beside You

by TJ5070



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Everyone Needs A Hug, Everyone lives, F/M, Fix-It, Follows the Sun ending a little bit, Hopefully Eventual Smut, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Not beta'd we die like men, Self Loathing, but it will get better, themes of depression, this is my first fanfic since 2012 please be kind
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:34:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28870893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TJ5070/pseuds/TJ5070
Summary: V promised to never forget but back in a dying body it's hard to remember why she didn't go instead. An opportunity lands in her lap courtesy of Rogue and she jumps on it. But what if something goes wrong, what if Johnnys been in cyberspace too long, what if he doesn't want this...A Fix-It fic because I am salty about the secret ending not giving me the option for a happy ending. Or any of the endings really.
Relationships: Former Judy Alvarez/Female V, Former River Ward/Female V, Johnny Silverhand/Female V
Comments: 12
Kudos: 77





	1. Forget Me Not

# PART I: Forget Me Not

I know you're not quite here  
but you're not quite gone  
Sometimes the night gets darkest before the dawn

V spent what seemed like weeks gradually decomposing…

She had barely moved from the couch of her ridiculous penthouse, feeling too restless to sleep in her bed properly. V chuffed to herself, as if she ever did that in the first place. Besides, she liked having the balcony so close finding it easier to think while out there. That and the armory were what really sold her on the place. Her time lately was spent running the last mission she and Johnny would ever do together over and over in her mind. It was too risky to ask for help. She wasn’t going to risk anymore lives from the Aldecaldos… She winced as she thought about Scorpion, his death all because they needed to get to Hellmen.

It had felt wrong to ask Rogue to join them on their suicide run, V wouldn’t be able to live with any more casualties on her conscience, especially one of Johnny’s only remaining friends. Opting for going out in a blaze of glory, V and Johnny guns blazing into the depths of Arasoka “And it wasn’t even worth it.” She growled as she flicked the remainder of her cig off the railing watching as it sunk down to the city below.A nasty habit she picked up from Johnny. She used to gag at the smell of old fashioned cigarettes but now the smell brought a small amount of comfort. Besides, what would it matter in five months? She was rotting from the inside out! She could smoke two packs a day and it wouldn’t even matter. V sighed and resigned herself to another restless night on the couch feeling like she was just waiting to die.

Nibbles was curled up into a tight ball in the mess of blankets V had left after she gave up trying to sleep but lifted their head to give out a soft “mew” as V dragged herself over. She gave them a light pat and some scritches under their chin as she kept on shuffling past towards the armory. V wanted to look at his stuff again, telling herself it was just to reminisce but knowing deep down it was more like wallowing. Johnny would hate this.A soft ping emanated from her computer and drew her out of her daze. She gingerly put back his things in the box and struggled to stand. “Shit…” She stumbled on the corner of the box and knocked it over, some of Johnny’s things spilling out. V was finding it harder and harder to pick herself up, her strength draining rapidly since Mikoshi. Alt said she had six months but it seems that was an overestimate. At this rate she’d need to make her call to Misty sooner rather than later, have her come take Nibbles back home with her.

She scrubbed her hands roughly over her face as she plopped down in the rolling chair in front of her computer. She really should check to see who this message was from. It could be the _one_ …She shook her head, “No. don’t get your hopes up. Vik said it might not even be ready in time.” She pressed the palms of her hands into her eyes, the pressure relieving her headache a little. Last time she didn’t respond to any calls or texts Panam came barreling into her apartment with River, Judy and Rogue somehow in tow.

* * *

_**2 Weeks Ago** _

How they all knew of each other she never got a straight answer for, Panam just happy to see she was alive while River had kind of stood awkwardly putting his gun away. Judy had been busy looking around and whistling any time she found something to her approval while Rogue gave her the coldest stare she’d ever felt. One by one they had all trickled out except Rogue, saying their goodbyes and making V promise to text them every once in a while. “Even if you got nothing to say V, I’ll talk enough for the both of us! And if I get a laugh out of ya well that’s all I need.” Panam said brightly giving her a solid slap on the back that had made V wheeze as she chuckled in response. “Yeah Pan, I think that’d be good for me. Keep me updated on the latest Saul drama.” V had chided, Panam let out a chuckle of her own and another more gentle pat on the back. Giving V a lazy wave as she and River left.

Judy had eventually gotten bored looking through all of V’s things and had settled herself perched on the edge of the coffee table. “Fancy digs here V” she gestured.

“Haven’t you heard?” V coughed “I’m a legend now! Which means I deserve this big fucking tacky ass penthouse.” V emphasized on the word tacky while picking up one of the many bottles of liquor littered around her couch. Judy just gave a sad smile after bumming a sip off the bottle when V offered. “UGH- Is that tequila? Fuckin nasty V.” Judy was being dramatic V knew. It was top shelf tequila so it wasn’t _that_ bad. V was about to take another swill when Rogue lost her patience.

Halfway to V’s lips Rogue shot the bottle causing it to shatter everywhere. “Goddamn it Rogue what are you FUCKING DOING?!” V wasn’t that upset over the gunfire more about the shattered glass all over her be-couch, her couch. She wasn’t honest with herself yet with giving up on the actual bed. She was still sort of trying to exist at that point. “Enough V! Enough of this fucking pity party.” She put her gun back in her thigh holster. “We need to talk. Alone.” Rogue said the last word pointedly at Judy.

Judy had shot up from the coffee table when the shot rang out, giving Rogue the stink eye as she made her exit. “We need to talk to V. I…” Judy paused, fidgeting with her hands. “I want to know where we stand. Give me a call later” Judy rubbed the back of her head and sighed. Punched the elevator button with a little more force then necessary and then V was stuck. She had been avoiding Rogue’s calls, ignoring her texts. She felt real shitty about it but couldn’t bring herself to even think about the Queen of the Afterlife. How do you tell his former output “ _Hey Johnny’s dead again.”_ How do you tell her he begged V to go. How he couldn’t let V sacrifice herself for him. She started tearing up, _fuck_. V angrily swiped at her face trying to hide the tears.

Rogue rolled her eyes as she took Judy’s spot kicking an empty bottle as she sat down. “Look V. You and I both know Johnny wouldn’t want this.” She gestured to the mess of her apartment. V scoffed incredulously. “Sure about that?” V sighed as she started picking glass shards off herself. Rogue’s already strained patience was wearing thin. “V did you read _any_ of my messages?” Rogue had seemingly stared into her soul and found the answer. V had still refused to look at her. “If you had I think you’d be a lot more fucking respectful towards me.” That got V to look up at her. “I’m sorry I didn’t get up and bow for the Queen but this 'aint the afterlife.” V sniffled, still pretty raw emotionally.

Rogue ignored the piss poor jab and took her hand in her own, thumb gently rubbing circles and V stiffened. She idly wondered if the fixer got that from Johnny or if he got that from her. Either way it was still comforting so she relaxed a little into the touch. Rogue eventually broke the silence “So I noticed Arasoka’s in tatters…”V just hummed back in response, mentally preparing herself to clean up all this mess. Her tacky ass pent house was almost as dirty as Kerry’s blegh. Rogue continued on “And they’re selling off a ton of assets, scrambling to stay afloat so another Corp doesn’t cut them through the jugular.” Rogue tilted her head hoping V was catching on. “What kind of assets?” V finally looked the fixer in the eyes.

“Oh you know…equipment here, their state of the art cryo-pods _there_ …” V froze. “Are you saying…” Rogue squeezed her hands reassuring her. Seeing a gentle side she never thought the fixer would show her. “I’ve already got him V, but I need a Legendary Netrunner to bring him _**home**_. Think you know someone like that?” V had let out a shaky breath she didn’t even know she was holding. She wanted to pinch herself, things seeming too good it had to be a dream. “Let’s go get him” V tried to stand up but she was feeling pretty weak still, thought Vik said she’d feel normal for at least a month before her body would start deteriorating. Rogue caught her and eased her back down.

“We can’t yet V” Rogue sighed her fingers tapping the coffee table. V also fidgeted, playing with the dog tags still around her neck. They felt heavier all of a sudden. “I’ve got the Mox gathering equipment we need, including your friend Judy. She’s volunteered to help work on the schematics you generously sent of the relic with Vik since we need something to put Johnny onto.” V frowned “Judy knew about this plan?” Rogue rolled her eyes for the third time since she got here. “V she was on a need to know basis, she had no idea bout Johnny.” V still couldn’t shake the nagging feeling of betrayal but still nodded in response. “Honestly V? I had her working on the blueprints before we even found out about his body!”

“why?” V felt exhausted, like she just stopped running a marathon.  
“For you V! Vik told me your clock is running out.” Rogue seemed legitimately upset though it was still hard for V to tell. “Don’t be like Johnny here. You need to realize you’ve got friends who want to help before it’s too late.” Rogue pat her on the leg as she stood. “we’re still working on both obviously but I don’t know how much longer Johnny should be left in there.” Rogue grabbed a bottle of expensive vodka she found on the floor on the way to the elevator.

“They cryo-pod or cyberspace?” V piped up from the couch.  
“both” Rogue smirked as she pressed the call button. “Now when I call you or text you V, you better pick up your goddamn holo. I’ll call you when there’s progress.” And then Rogue was gone.

* * *

* * *

**Text From Rogue:**

V they got it  
 **Afterlife ASAP**  
Sending Delamain to pick you up  
.....  
see you soon


	2. Alibis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're gonna go back in time just a little bit and with Johnny's pov in Mikoshi. Chapter title Alibis from Mariana's Trench Fix Me album.

“I could spill my guts out,  
Wearing my best little girl pout,  
And I almost missed it  
But nobody said that this was gonna be easy”

Johnny hated this.

“I don’t like this Johnny.” V fidgeted with his dog tags hanging from her neck, even in cyberspace they were with her and he struggled to tear his eyes away as she spoke again. “She’s already done it I can feel it” she tapped a finger to her head.” Johnny chuckled “you know when I said you were the dumbest merc in Night City? I take it back.” He kicked his feet back on the table as his fingers tapped absentmindedly on the top. She playfully shoved his leg but he could see she wasn’t done.

“It’s…” she huffed “it’s too quiet in here” another tapping motion to her head. “Thought you wanted quiet” he stopped his own tapping. “I know I…I didn’t want us killing each other because of the relic but that doesn’t mean I wanted rid of you.” She let the dog tags fall out of her fingers, hanging around her neck. Johnny thought he had done a pretty good job of keeping his feelings buried. What good would his feelings do when he was already dead and this was just his last gasp. He didn’t want V to do something stupid like letting him stay just because he loved her.

Since they were separated now he could let the feelings, the ways she got to him, bubble up and consume him. That sharp pain in his chest twinged again. “You did at first but that’s fine” V rolled her eyes about to contradict him. “That’s ok though, I changed my mind too.” He scratched the back of his head and all she did was smile at him. It was like sticking a knife in his chest and twisting while he said thank you. “So where’s you ex-output, we got more to do right?” She looked around the emptiness of their surroundings with a smile on her face, one that wouldn’t stay much longer.

Alt appeared, her avatar as giant and all consuming as before. Johnny grumbled something about alt not being alt just as her voice boomed “I am not his girlfriend.” V must have found this funny since she was overcome with giggles. There goes that pain again, knife twisting. “So whats next Alt!” V clasped her hands together, always eager for the next step, always needing to be moving. Johnny knew they were both so similar he had chalked it up to the bleed from the relic but he knows now. He was such a gonk for thinking he couldn’t fall in love with her when he already had.

Alt paused as if she was formulating her response carefully. Johnny’s stomach dropped, even though this wasn’t the real Alt he knew what this meant. “I have forgotten to factor something into account.” V’s smile faded and he couldn’t do anything but watch. Johnny hated this. “The relic has progressed farther than I expected.” Alt’s monotone delivery grated his nerves. “Spit it out Alt!” He crossed his arms in front of him bracing for what he knew was coming. “The relic has at this point has completely overridden V’s body. Her dna unwritten and replaced with Johnny’s.” Alt did that tilt of her head again and he sank deeper into the booth.

“If she were to return, her body would detect her engram as an intruder and fight against it.” His eyes flicked quickly to V’s and saw the light fade out of them. Her smile turning sad, Johnny hated this. Alt turned to face V “You would have about 6 months before your death. It is inevitable. It is imminent.” Johnny threw his hands up “C’mon Alt you can’t be serious!” She turned to face him “I would not joke about this Johnny.” There’s that pity tilt. V’s face was unreadable at this moment and Johnny would give anything to be back in her head. “And what happens if I stay?” her mind seemed made up and Johnny knew instantly which choice she wanted to make. “No V.” He shook his head “We’re not doing that.”

V looked at him with anger written all over her face. “It’s my choice to make Johnny!” she spit out with venom he hadn’t had directed towards him since their first meeting. Alt interrupted them “A choice you have earned through will and endeavor.” V nodded curtly and casted her eyes downward.

He hated feeling useless, untethered and out of options he looked at Alt for some sign of hope, some last minute hail mary now that she was in Mikoshi. But deep down he knew no such thing would appear and if he didn’t know any better he could swear he saw the slightest hint of pity in Alt’s avatar. She didn’t really have a face so it was a little hard to pin down but that little head tilt as he looked at her could have convinced him the original Alt was still there somewhere.

“Give us a minute to talk Alt” Johnny sat up from having his legs resting on the table top. He and V had sat down in a digital replica of the diner they had their first calm-ish talk. He sighed. Alt boomed as her avatar reappeared closer than before “Of Course but you do not have much time. I will leave you to talk.” Her avatar disappeared and the scene they were in instantly changed. V was sitting on the floor while he was straddling a chair aviators back on. Johnny took them off immediately tucking an end into his tank letting them dangle from it.

“Plan hasn’t changed V.” She still hadn’t looked him in the eyes. “I’ll stay, help Alt destroy this damn place.” He gestured around them. “You go back into your body and think of this like a bad dream.” He slumped his shoulders. V finally looked at him and his heart sank. “You can’t tell me to forget all of this, of you!” She pointed a finger at him “You don’t get to decide how I feel!” she put her head in her hands. Johnny swore he saw a tear drop in the ground. He’s not sure if you’re supposed to be able to feel this fuckin sad as just code, but that’s all he was.

“V…” she looked up at him slowly. “I’m already dead, there's nothing here for you to save.” Johnny got up from the chair and kneeled in front of her, gently taking one of her hands in his own as his thumb rubbed in gentle circles. “Well you’re real enough to me.” She sniffled. “Alt?” V called weakly. “I am here.” Alt’s avatar appeared above them. “There's nothing else we can do?” V pleaded and her voice wavering squeezed Johnny’s heart. “I have found no alternatives.” The silence afterwards was suffocating. Old Johnny would have gladly taken V’s body and wouldn’t even be here to have this depressing moment but he’s not and it hurts.

He had told V to go, begged really. He couldn’t stand the guilt squeezing his chest, the sharp pain near his heart now. Johnny couldn’t find the words really. Thoughts racing by unbound by V’s color and drifting unmoored. He felt bone deep tired as he discarded his trademark aviators, glitching into nothing as he flung them aside. V flinched and he regretted it instantly. Alt broke the silence. “There is something else you could consider.” Johnny perked up “I think we wanna hear every option ya got Alt.” He started pacing back and forth.

“V returns to her body and you remain here Johnny.” V shook her head while he let out a growl of frustration. “How’s that any different then the first option.” Alt simply turned her avatar to face him. “Because in the first plan I would be absorbing your engram. This option leaves you intact but will remain here in Mikoshi.” Johnny considered it, he already did a 50 year stint in this place barely blinking what’s an eternity more. “Okay, we go with that one.” V stood up at that. “I’m not leaving you here Johnny, not with Arasoka. Not now, not again.” His heart swelled and he couldn’t take it anymore, ignoring Alt’s presence he rushed over to V and drew her in.

This shouldn’t be possible but he supposed if he could feel this fuckin sad, could touch her hand, he could kiss her. His lips practically crashed against her in his hurry, her lips warm and soft. He brushed his tongue along the seem, silently asking permission to delve within. He felt her gasp as she pulled him closer, her hands balled into his tank and twisting it. He moved his organic hand into her hair as he placed his metal one on the small of her back. V deepened the kiss, moving her tongue across his own. He pulled away as she sucked on his bottom lip. He’s fucking ruined.

Johnny rested his head against her own as they both gathered their breath. “Thought I wasn’t your type?” V’s voice sounded as wrecked as he felt. “I may have lied.” V let out a light giggle as he pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head. Alt’s voice made them both jump “Johnny can remain here but Mikoshi no longer belongs to Arasoka.” This intrigued him. “Let me guess, belongs to you now huh?” Johnny drawled. Alt’s head nodded in confirmation. V still hadn’t untangled her fists from his shirt and Johnny almost selfishly wished they could both stay.

“That still takes you away from me.” V sighed and this time Johnny could feel the tears fall onto him. He squeezed his arms tighter around her. “There was never gonna be a happy ending here V.” He murmured into her hair “Not for me, not for people like us.” He felt her hands release his tank only to wrap around his middle. Johnny doesn’t remember how long they stayed that way, clinging to each other like they couldn’t live without the other again. Alt reappeared near them, her avatar a little smaller but just as omniscient.

“We do not have any more time left.” Her arm gestured towards a well that formed next to them. “V you must make your choice now. If we delay any longer Arasoka forces will breach the core and your body will be in grave danger.” Johnny loosened his arms around her but still held her hand. “C’mon V” He said softly as he turned to face them towards the well. He helped her step up and into it with a sad smile of his own. He saw tears forming again her eyes as she sunk down. “Never stop fightin V.” and with that she was gone. He has never felt so…empty. “I will assist V in her escape.” Alt turned to him but he couldn’t take his eyes away from the well. “V is a skilled netrunner Johnny.” He nodded slowly, not really seeing the point of her observation. “So I will leave you here for her to rescue.” And with that Alt was gone and he was left with so many questions.

Johnny didn’t know how long he’d been sitting staring at the well. It felt like seconds had passed since he let V slip through his fingers. That selfish part of him reared it’s ugly head, he could have kept her here with him. They could stay in this limbo for as long as they could before she got sick of him and then they could both just walk past the blackwall. Something caught his eye in the middle of the well where nothing was just a second ago. He leaned over it, tilting his head and squinting. “Is that V’s bullet necklace?” He tentatively reached for it with his organic hand wanting to feel the cool of the metal and managed to grasp onto the medallion.

His arm was immediately pulled under. “FUCK” is all he could shout before the rest of him followed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I'd update biweekly but honestly I am a disaster bi and bad at scheduling and stuff so here's chapter 2! I'm gonna experiment with formatting next chapter I think but we'll see. Thanks for all the kudos guys!! If it's not too much trouble if you like the story so far I'd love to hear about it.


	3. No Place Like Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> from Mariana's Trench album Ever After

“A shallow grave where I can keep it safe, Or hide away, for just in case I need it.

My old friend, it’s time to say goodbye again no need to tell me where you’ve been, I feel it.

Shallow graves for shallow hearts for pick-me-ups and fall-aparts, for promises that never started right.”

V’s eyes felt transfixed by Rogue’s text, straight to the point but with as little details as possible. She liked that about Rogue. A sudden chime brought her out of her daze with confusion, she doesn’t remember what that alert is for. Nothing new on her holo, no new emails on her pc, so what could it be? She huffed while trying to stand up from her desk chair, muscles still struggling to keep any semblance of strength.

As soon as she was finally upright the chime stopped. Guess it wasn’t important or anything V thought, scratching that back of her head as she shuffled out to the kitchen. She was suddenly very thirsty and if tonight was the One she needed to have a clear head. Opening her fridge V frowned. Nothing inside except for a couple bottles of beer and one water bottle, she can’t even remember the last time she bought groceries…What had she been eating?

V took the water bottle just as the chime started up again but now much louder causing her to jump and the water out of her hands. V just watched it roll away and her energy with it, maybe she’d need to call Rogue. Tell her to find a different netrunner who could walk five feet without being winded. She knows that really isn’t an option, if anyone has any hope of getting Johnny out of cyberspace it’d be her or Alt and who knows what happened to her.

The water bottle ended up in front of her elevator doors with a soft thump drawing V’s eyes inadvertently to the source of the chimes. “I have a doorbell?” she thought out loud as she saw a small panel appear next to the doors, flashing with a little bell emoji in the center. Was that always there? V’s frown grew deeper as she shuffled over, hands on either side of the projection. “Pretty insistent whoever it is” she mumbled. Might as well try and answer V thought as she tapped on the bell.

“Hey V.” A soft smile filling the screen. “Heya Misty…” V’s voice cracked a little from disuse. Christ she really needs that water, she looked down at her feet seeing condensation already formed on the outside. “You can come on up Misty, no need to ring my doorbell.” V chided as she tried to return the smile. “I think you gotta buzz me in this time, seems to be locked.” Misty said with an air of laughter. She looked tired, not her usual self. “Oh, sure let me uh…let me do that.” V looked at the projection, seeing at the bottom right corner a little door symbol and pressed it.

“That’s it! I’ll see ya in a minute V.” and with that Misty was gone and the projection collapsed. “Ah” V could see a small square section for the optics on the wall finally, “Can’t believe I missed that.” V grumbled as she picked up the water bottle and pressing it to her forehead, revealing in the cool relief that washed over her. “Forgot I locked that.” V sighed she started to feel a bit dizzy so she made her way back to the kitchen island and leaned against it to stabilize herself while she waited for Misty.

Right on cue the doors chimed as they opened to reveal a smiling misty holding a rather large cardboard box. “What’s that for” V tilted the top of water towards the box. “Hello to you too V.” Misty said with no real heat behind her words as she set the box on the island counter. “Hi Misty it’s good to see you.” That got a bigger smile out of her friend. “Now what’s it for.” V peered over the top seeing that it was empty and shrugged, bringing the water up for another sip. “Just to help you pack some things.” Misty’s eyes roamed the room as she spoke “Figured you’d like to bring Johnny’s stuff with ya and maybe some supplies for you too.” With that Misty picked up the box and headed upstairs.

“Wait- wha- you know about Rogue’s op?” V’s voice croaked painfully, shit. She rubbed her throat as she heard Misty scrounging around in her closet. “I’m helpin Vik really, don’t got much to do with Rogue.” That got an eyebrow raise from V, not that she could see it. “Besides-“ Misty called out, sounds like she’s in the bathroom now and V’s eyes tracked the sound. “I wanted to check on you.” Misty’s voice was softer as she made her way downstairs. “m’sorry about not stopping by in awhile…” V’s voice trailed off not sure how to justify her absence. God she was pathetic, she promised to take care of her for Jackie and all she did was wallow in her own misery.

“s’okay V.” Misty placed the box on the ground in front of her. “I haven’t been at the shop in a while anyways so.” Misty shook her head at V’s confusion “I’ll tell ya more about it on the way but for now we should finish grabbing your stuff.” She gave V a soft pat on her shoulder as she looked around. V peered into the box; looks like misty had grabbed her a couple changes of clothes, her toothbrush, hair bush, some other toiletries. Ah wait- “hey Misty?” that got her attention back to her. “Think I’m gonna-“ V tried to gesture with her hands but couldn’t think of a gesture that’d make sense. She let out a full body sigh “If we’re gonna be a couple days I’ll need-“ V searched her chooms face trying to put it into words. It’s not that big of a deal why was she struggling to say it. It’s not like Misty wouldn’t be grossed out about it.

“Oh!” Misty clasped her hands together in comprehension. “Are they under the sink or-“ Misty chimed as she climbed the stairs. “In the medicine cabinet, to the right of the painkillers.” V called out as she stared up into the ceiling. She never really looked up and she found herself fascinated by a small stain above her. “Got ‘em!” Misty trotted down the stairs triumphant. “I just grabbed boxes of both just incase.” She placed them in the box, organizing them with the rest of the toiletries. “2078 and you’d think people would have figured out something better.” V complained, ugh she might need to bring her heating pad too.

“Never a priority for powerful people, I’m sure those at the top have a better system.” Misty frowned. V shuffled over to her couch and tossed in the heating pad, at least they made wireless ones now. “Looks like we got the essentials.” Misty tapped her finger to her chin “I’ll put this over by the helipad door.” Misty looked so small carrying that full box but she refused any of V’s help, not that she could have given much anyway. Misty dusted herself off after dropping the box “So, Johnny’s stuff next!” V wished she could have hid her grimace a little quicker. Misty’s face turned from happy to concerned quicker than V’s. “Whats wrong?”

“Nothing really I just- I tripped over it earlier so it’s all over the floor” V frowned and pointed to the armory. “Don’t worry about that V, I’m sure he won’t mind.” That got a little chuckle out of her. He’d absolutely give her shit over it but not with any heat behind it. V curled into herself a little while she waited for Misty to come back. She needed to get herself together, get Johnny out of cyberspace and then…and then what? You’ll live happily ever after? Please. Her mind played all the scenarios in her head and not one of them did Johnny stay. He’d get bored, he’d try and get back with Rogue again, he’d… This thought gave her pause, if Rogue’s relic team couldn’t figure her situation out in time. He might go off the deep end again. “Shit.” V scrubbed her hands over her face again, she couldn’t let that happen again.

“Hey V I think our ride is here!” Misty gestured with the box to the air Delamain taxi landing on the helipad. “Hello Ms. V! It’s a pleasure to see you again.” Delamain projected. “I’ve been instructed to remind you not to forget anything Ms. V.” That got a huff out of her. “Do we have a place to store these Del?” V held up her box and shook it, big mistake. V had to immediately put it back down. “All Delamain Taxi’s are equipped with a sizable storage compartment for your convenience!” and with a pop the hatchback portion of the cab opened. “Thanks Del.” V struggled a little to lift the box up enough to place it into the compartment but managed. Misty did the same but she took a moment to grab something from inside the penthouse first before entwining her arms in her own. “Don’t forget to lock up V!” she teased. V made a show of exaggeratedly rolling her eyes as she activated her Kiroshi’s, setting up the security protocols she hardly bothered to use. “All done, let’s delta.”

V practically dropped into her seat as opposed to sitting, god she felt her exhaustion bone deep. This afternoon had been more activity then she’s used to for the past month and she leaned against Misty’s shoulder. Eye’s drooping V let out a yawn “mmhp, you promised to give me more details on the way so-“ V rubbed her eye “here we are.” Misty gave a soft chuckle as she rested her hand against her hand but she made no move to explain. Something was nagging at the back of her mind, she’s forgetting something, something import-FUCK! V shot up so quickly it made Misty jump. “I FORGOT NIBBLES!” V threw her arms up. “How could I FORGET-“ a soft mewling noise interrupted her breakdown as Nibbles peeked their head out of Misty’s sweater giving V a curious look. “They looked cold and you looked tired so I went ahead and grabbed ‘em for you.” Misty’s voice was soft as she spoke. “Oh.” Is all V could manage to say, in hindsight it was pretty obvious what she went back in for. The cat shaped lump in her sweater should have been a giveaway as well.

“Thank you Misty, I’m not really all here today.” V sunk back into her seat as she gave Nibbled some scritches. “Don’t worry about it V.” Misty slowly lowered her head against V’s. “Just rest a bit, I’ll tell ya the plan when we get closer.” V nodded as she rested her head against her choom. “Just for a little bit.” V yawned out. Wasn’t long before sleep took her away on the hums from the AV and Misty’s warmth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated in a little bit. I'm not sure if anyone besides myself is reading this but I hope you guys like it. We're getting sadder in this chilis tonight.


	4. Porcelain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's get sadder ladies and gents!  
> Porcelain by Marianas Trench album Ever After

"You thought by now  
You'd have it figured out  
You can't erase the way it pulls  
When seasons change  
It hurts sometimes  
To find where you begin  
But you are perfect porcelain"

V tilted her head out of the jeep soaking the warmth from all the sunshine while the wind whipped her hair about. A big smile bloomed as she took a deep breath and cheered, arms straight up past the roll cage earning her a responding “Whoop!” from her partner. She can’t remember feeling this good, this _free_! She stood up grasping the bar above her and finally opened her eyes.

It was gorgeous, the sun just about to set over a stretch of badlands, her clan in formation around her whooping with excitement over the roar of the engines, and a feeling of home in her chest. V spared a glance for her driver and had to do a double take. “Ja-Jackie?!?” she scrambled to sit down, throwing her arms around him in a tight embrace.

“Hey Chica! Ease up I’m not comfortable drivin off road yet like you.” He gave her a squeeze on her arm before she retracted into her seat.

“Fuck Jack I miss you.” She could feel herself choking up, hugging her arms tight against her as reality set in. The wind felt so cold now. Must’ve fallen asleep in the cab, damn.

Jackie’s big smile faded into a firm line, the jeep suddenly stopped with no sign of the Bakker’s in sight as the sun faded and engulfed them into night. He tapped his fingers still gripping the steering wheel and sighed.

“Didn’t mean to mess things up so bad V.” His eyes trailed upwards gazing at the stars now visible so far away from the city.

“Jack no- I-“ V took his hand in hers gripping him like a lifeline.

“I fucked up. It should have been me.” V screwed her eyes shut as the hot tears came spilling out.

“You had family, Misty, fuck what did I have that was worth more than them?!?”

Jackie said nothing, just squeezing her hand in turn. If V didn’t know any better she could have fooled herself a little bit longer, held onto this dream instead of turning it into a nightmare.

“Wouldn’t change anything, even knowin how it turned out.” His voice sounded so soft like a whisper on the breeze. He finally turned his eyes towards her and giving a lopsided smile that tugged on her heart.

Fuck she was having a full-blown break down now, her nose felt stuffy and she couldn’t get her breathing under control. Wiping at her eyes with her sleeve she let out one last sob before she could say what she needed.

“Misty misses you somethin fierce but she’s going strong. Stronger than me probably.” She blew out a shaky breath.

“ ‘m sorry I haven’t been taking care of her like I promised.” Jackie just shook his head and gave her a solid pat on her shoulder.

“Misty’s a tough broad V, if she needs help she’ll ask ya.” His arm was resting on the back of the seats as he turned to face her, taking her chin gently in his left hand and lifting her to face him. “You on the other hand-”

V slapped his hand away cursing herself as she did. Of course the first dream she manages to have since her assault on ‘Saka tower would be a therapy session. She doesn’t know how it would work or why but she blames Misty being there and having such a comfy shoulder.

Jackie brought his hand back to grasp her chin with a little more force this time and held her steady. “I’m worried ‘bout you V.” He sounded so sad, so unlike the real Jack.

“Bullshit. You can’t worry about me Jack you’re dead.” She spit it out with such venom it even scared herself with the intensity of it. He held her gaze with another sad smile unphased by the sting of her words.

V closed her eyes tightly while focusing on the pressure of his fingers holding her chin and sighed. Without opening her eyes she steeled herself, even if this was all just her subconscious trying to work through her guilt she shouldn’t have snapped at her choom like that. “I’m sorry Jackie.” The pinprick of pressure from his fingers eased but still remained.

“I don’t wanna be a legend anymore Jack, ‘m in the major leagues like we always wanted and I **_hate_** it.” She sniffled but couldn’t let herself lose this confidence. “I just wanna be whole again.” A tear rolled down her cheek, cold and bracing in the night air.

“I know ya never met him but fuck I feel like my soul’s been ripped out of me, this grumpy old man with spikes all over his heart just like me.” Another tear slipped out. “-nd now I gotta get him out of cyberspace, put him back in his original body that I didn’t even know existed.” She choked out the last words raw from her core.

“I didn’t even fucking look for it! Just took what that slimy bastard Grayson said as gospel.” A gust of wind knocked the air out of her and the heat of Jackie’s fingers dissipated, replaced with the feeling of cool metal instead.

“I fucking left him just like everyone else he ever cared about and that’s killing me faster than this relic still is!” she gripped her fingers in her hair and pulled, trying to wake herself up. “And even if Rogue’s plan works out how am I supposed to face him.” The words spilled out of her without consent and mixed with shame.

“C’mon darlin, wouldn’t leave ya even if you told me to.”

V’s eyes flew open to find Johnny instead of Jackie, his metal hand softly holding her chin. “The fuck!?” She threw herself backwards intending to put some distance between them but instead of leaning against the jeep’s door it flew open, sending her tumbling downwards.

* * *

“Shit.” V felt like she was dying again, her body barely responding to her commands, an eye unable to see, and something red trickling at the edges. Panic ceased her as she recognized her surroundings, junk and debris everywhere with Deshaun baring down at her.

She struggled to climb out of the landfill with no Takemura appearing to save her. But it never seemed to end, the climb extending up into the sky. “HELP ME!” her voice was ragged and raw.

“PLEASE!” Everyone she ever cared for was suddenly perched at the top of the debris pile watching her with disinterest. She spotted Vik crouched over with a small frown. “Sorry kid.”

And one by one the figures left without a word, more debris pilling on top. “DON’T LEAVE ME PLEEEASE!” V screamed at the top of her lungs, desperately trying to claw her way up. Something caught her eye however, a pair of dog tags hanging from a broken piece of pole.

She clawed at it desperately, feeling the cold familiar metal between her fingers but before she could fully grasp them a metal arm shot out of the debris and grabbed her.

“JOHNNY!” she screamed as it pulled her under, forcing her face to face with the decomposing corpse of Johnny Silverhand. His jawbone clicked as it tried to form words.

“Sa-ave m-ee V-ee” She screamed, thrashing against the metal arm dragging her closer to no avail.

“Keh-ill-ed me-ee” The corpse groaned out.

“NO!” she kicked him in the chest but he was still pulling her close.

“Leh-fet me-ee!” The words boomed, striking even more fear into her.

“JOHNNY LET ME GO!” she screamed, desperately trying to pull herself out of his iron grasp.

“Tho-ough-t y-ou l-ov-ed me-ee!” Her pulse skyrocketed as the corpse was on her now.

“JOHNNY!” V jolted awake clutching a now sweat soaked blanket and her chest heaving. She looked at her surroundings not sure where this dark room she’s in could be. First things first though, “ow” the pinch she gave herself hurt more than she meant it to but it did the trick.

She pressed the palms of hands against her eyes hoping the pressure would ground her. That dream started out so comforting but left her a jumble of nerves, fuck she shouldn’t have fallen asleep. She took several deep breaths to center her, following the teachings of that wandering monk she was fond of.

In and out V, in and out. She felt the tension in her muscles dissipate slowly, don’t have the time to have a breakdown. She pulled the blanket back and sat up rubbing the part of her neck where the relic sits as if it ached. Murmured voices just behind the door drew her attention. V made sure to be light on her feet as she made her way over, activating her Kiroshi’s to find out who the voices belonged to.

To her relief one belonged to Vik, he was positioned with his back against her door blocking entry to two men dressed in lab coats she didn’t recognize. He seemed tense, his arms were crossed in front of him but his stance showed he was ready to unleash a beating if needed.

“She needs rest before you gonks poke and prod at her.” He said it friendly enough but the threat remained obvious. V smiled as the lab coats stuttered.

“We need to prep her for the cyberspace dive!” one squeaked out

“I need sample tissues to compare to the degraded bio-sample Rogue supplied! The faster I get that the faster she recovers.” V and Vik frowned simultaneously; Alt said her current dna was overwritten so wouldn’t that mean there was nothing left of her original dna? Vik scratched his chin.

“You told me she has about a week left before the relic finishes the job, right?” Vik pointed a finger at the man to the left. V’s eyes went wide, a week? Alt told her six months! God damn the more she learned the more she hated just taking A.I.'s word.

“Yes it appears without Mr. Linder’s engram influencing the chip, the rate of decay has increased exponentially.” Linder? Do they mean Johnny? V's head started to throb but brought her attention back on The man. He tapped something on his chart. “If Ms. Val-”

Vik wordlessly held up his hand stopping the lab coat from finishing his thought. “She goes by V and that’s what you’ll call her. Are we clear.” V snorted, that’s the protective Vik V knows and loves.

“Crystal.” The lab coat tucked his chart beneath his arm. “If Ms. **_V_** had kept up with her Omega blocker regimen I believe the rate of decay could have been… decreased.” He coughs after no reaction from Vik. “If she were to resume, I think it could buy us the time we need to finish her new relic shard.” That got a nod out of Vik.

“When she wakes up I’ll talk to her, let her have some rest.” Vic waved them away.

“Dr. Vector she should take the Omega Blockers as soon as possible, time is not on our side here.” The man placed a bottle in Vik’s hand and with that the lab coats walked away.

Vik sighed, his arms falling to his sides now that the men had left. "Kid I know you're up." He tilted his head back against the door waiting for her response.

"Alright I'm just gonna come in then V. I'm sure you know we gotta talk." His hand hovered over the sensor, giving V enough time to sit back on the bed.

"How ya doin kid." Vik strode over to a nearby chair and pulled it close, sitting hunched over like he's used to in his shop.

"Not well according to your pals out there." V coughed, her throat still rough and scratchy like yesterday.

Vik frowned. "Not my pals, but I do need their help." He put his hands on his knees and sighed. "So you know you need to take one of these before we start." He pulled the bottle out of his pocket and shook it. V rolled her eyes, she hated those things mostly for how they made Johnny feel but now that theres no Johnny she shouldn't really mind. Shouldn't being key.

"Hate that stuff Vik." She took it out of his hands though, popped the cap and swallowed one dry.

"Here kid, you need to drink some water too doctor's orders." He reached for the glass she hadn't seen sitting on the night stand. She nodded her thanks and practically downed the whole thing.

"Easy V you go too fast you're just gonna yack it all up." He chided while taking the empty glass from her.

"Just hang out here for a minute, I'm gonna get you some more." With a tight smile Vik left the room leaving V to sit with her thoughts. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really appreciate the comments<3 I got the next chapter pretty much wrapped up but I'm working out my (unrealistic) science lol


	5. I Won't Let You Go (Darling)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First breakaway from the norm but we're still gonna be a little sad. I want to mention upfront this chapter briefly mentions/deals with suicidal ideation.  
> Title is I Won't Let You Go (Darling) by Hedley, album Storms. It's good easy listen while I ground out this chapter.

"Long steady road, oh travel be kind.

I'm searching for some peace of mind.

The home that you know,

A home left behind.

Oh trouble don't trouble this time."

“So I’m pretty much a lost cause at this point huh.”

V twirled the dog tags and bullet medallion between her fingers, twisting the chains and watching them spin over and over. Vik filled her in on where they were; some underground complex abandoned in the last corpo war found and remodeled by Rogue. She had set her team up with all the equipment left behind and what the Mox had managed to scrounge up and sealed the doors, no one in no one out.

“Feel like I’m gonna suffocate down here” V mumbled.

Vik was still silently running his scans of her vitals, checking and re-checking for damage. When he had come back with her fresh glass of water V was in the middle of a particularly bad relic malfunction; seizing and coughing up blood by the buckets.

He rubbed his temples after the fifth scan came up the same; sighing and pushing the monitoring equipment he wheeled in here out of his face.

“Never known you to give up on yourself so easy V” he leaned back in his chair with a groan.

V stayed silent still fidgeting with the chains; how does she go about telling her only father figure she’d been playing Russian roulette every night before Rogue showed up, how she fantasized about jumping from her penthouse balcony to feel the wind in her hair before she went out on her own terms. She remembers walking downtown corpo plaza talking with Johnny ‘bout something stupid and inconsequential then a loud thump; blood splattering all over her as a mans body laid limp by her feet.

At the time that experience had messed her up, her will to live so strong and her belief that they’d make it out together certain. Now, she gets it. She’s too much of a coward to go through with any of it however, her revolver having been loaded with a non lethal round proved that.

She shook her head trying to dislodge those thoughts she had to get it together for Johnny. “If I’m bein honest Vik? Not doin so hot up here.” V tapped the side of her head then went back to twisting the chains.

They sat together in silence, the only sounds coming from the steady beeping of the machine tracking her vitals. Vik had been staring at his hands for awhile until he bawled them into fists and when he spoke it caused her to jump.

“I’m sorry.” His knuckles were turning white with the pressure.

V gently placed her hand on top of his right fist, giving him a soft smile as the tension trickled out of him.

“Ain’t got nothin to apologize for.” She rubbed her thumb in gentle circles hoping it was just as soothing to him as the action was for her.

“I’ve been your primary care for years now V; you’re like a daughter to me and I’ve let you go on with this relic business with no consideration for your mental health.” His frown deepened as he bowed his head.

“Vik you gave me the blockers, not your fault I never used em.” She shrugged and Vik shook his head.

“Those blockers don’t do shit for severe depression V.” She winced, must be pretty fuckin obvious huh.

“Not sure starting me on anything will make a difference by the moment my timers up.”

V tilted her head up to the concreate ceiling, thinking about the dream from this morning and how at peace Jackie had looked gazing up at the stars. If she squinted she could pretend the little speckles were stars too.

“Not gonna leave you suffering without treatment kid, and this is one I know how to.” He squeezed her hand before standing up placing the chair back by the desk.

“Drink some more water, I’ll be back with some medication and then we can get going saving your boyfriend.”

V snorted as she was taking a sip causing Vik to chuckle as he walked away.

“Yeah real funny there doc” she muttered.

She was still exhausted even after all that sleep, that relic malfunction really put her through the ringer. V didn’t know how long Vik would be gone so she laid back down, placing her left arm over her eyes to block the fluorescent lights. She didn’t want to sleep really, the nightmare still fresh on the edges of her mind but the quiet hum from the lights combined with the soft beeping from the monitor lulled her to a light slumber.

* * *

She was picking at some questionable piece of chicken fried synth beef, moving it around her tray as she glanced around the cafeteria. She was getting more and more anxious as her head count kept climbing.

V recognized some of the Mox grouped at a table together; she had made brief eye contact with Judy before quickly adverting her gaze, not quite ready to take her lumps.

She noticed a decent amount of lab coats spread out, some security intermingled, and for some reason….

“Saul?” V’s eyes went wide, her confusion was evident on her face.

He grunted as he set his tray down in front of her sitting down with a sigh.

“I don’t-“ she was cut off with a wave of his hand.

“Not leaving you down here without backup.” His voice was strained; cutting into his meat with force.

“You’re an Aldecado V, family doesn’t leave family to-“ he glanced around with a sour expression clouding his features.

“Suffocate down here.” He chomped down and immediately grimaced.

“Right?!” She pushed her tray aside, placed her left elbow on the table and put her head in her hand.

“So …” She waited until they were looking at each other, Saul seeming reluctant.

“You left Panam in charge huh.”

His sour expression deepened and it made V snort out a laugh, the first genuine happiness she’s had since arriving.

“She and I-“ Saul coughed trying to compose himself, V’s laughter making him chuckle in response.

“We’re seeing eye to eye more often than not. Already made her my second.” He mumbled the last part hoping she didn’t hear him.

V raised her eyebrows but left it alone; her attention shifted to a familiar fluffy coat making it’s way to their table.

“River Ward.” V gave him a wave, and he joined Saul on the other side of her.

“V. Good to see you up.” He gave her a soft smile that V couldn’t look at for too long, her guts churning.

“So what’re you doing stuck down here.” V took out several bottles from her hoodie; lining them up and popping the caps. She had made a game of organizing them, placing her dose in the lids and trying to flip them up in the air and catch them in her mouth. She’s only succeeded with one but it was something to do.

River watched as she managed to catch one, her arms raised in victory as the man next to him gave her a few short claps then went back to his food.

River coughed and switched his weight back and forth in his seat. He didn’t know what to say for himself really. Couldn’t say what he wanted to, that he cared for her in a way she had made clear she couldn’t reciprocate. He and V had a night of fun in the past and she told him, ”Just don’t fall in love with me” and he failed.

V had let him down as easy as she could at the time he sees that now. He didn’t even know about the Relic, Johnny Silverhand, Arasoka, the list goes on and on. He found out from Misty, calling her on the holo to try and give their relationship another go only to find out she was practically comatose at Vik’s new lab. The process of separating her and Johnny apparently catastrophic to her body and taking it’s toll.

That was when he was asked to help, maybe lean on his contacts to find a cure, help make sure there wasn’t a paper trail or anything that could jeopardize their hideout. He didn’t have any luck with the first but pulled out all the stops for the second.

She flipped another cap and he watched as two orange pills sailed through the air hitting her smack dab in the face then scattering to the ground as she sputtered, picking them up and just popping them into her mouth instead with a frown.

“Half for security reasons, a little bit for my contacts in the civil sector setting up paperwork for Johnny-boy, and a little bit for you.” The man next to him rolled his eyes but said nothing.

V frowned a little as she cleaned up her meds, taking her time placing the caps back on while she chewed her bottom lip a little.

“River we talked about this I can’t-“ her voice cracked a little, Saul’s muscles in his arms clenched in response. He turned his head to glare at River.

“Not asking you to V, just here as a friend nothing more.”

V deflated a little in her seat, hugging her arms close to her chest. She’s not sure if they could ever be just friends and if they succeeded at bringing Johnny back… She looked back over at River and watched him meticulously cut his chicken fried synth beef into perfect squares.

Yeah… maybe she’ll make sure River isn’t anywhere near Johnny while they’re stuck down here. She peered down into her water watching the condensation drip down the side as she ran through her check list.

Saul stood up and stretched, letting out a satisfying grunt as he popped his neck and back. He picked up both his and her mostly full trays and nodded towards her.

“Think the coats are ready for ya.” He tilted his head towards the open archway where Vik and his team were waiting. She normally wouldn’t want to go into cyberspace with a full stomach (not that this was the case anyway) but she had needed more time before the dive. Time they were reminding her she didn’t have.

She thanked Saul and gave River a small wave then made her way out of the cafeteria, Judy falling into step beside her. V inhaled sharply through her nose when Judy threaded their fingers together to hold hands, giving V’s a gentle squeeze.

“We should talk sometime V, when you and Johnny figure things out.”

They had fallen instep behind the group on the long trek towards the lab. V shivered thinking about the tubs of ice water waiting for her earning another squeeze from someone she didn’t feel she deserved such kindness from. The hallways started to thin out as they went through multiple security checkpoints. There had been chatter that Rogue’s security measures bordered on paranoid but V couldn’t say she didn’t appreciate it. Especially since the legend herself wasn’t locked down here with them.

“Judy I’m sorry.” V kept her eyes straight ahead, pinned to the back of Vik’s head so she wouldn’t lose her nerve.

“I…took advantage of our friendship.”

She heard her blow out a sigh, felt as she untangled their entwined fingers letting their hands fall back to their sides.

“Understatement of the year V.” Judy didn’t sound angry just sad; resigned.

“I… I had given up. Bitter about my body eatin away at me, resentful that he left me to deal with this alone, that he stuck to his promise for once in his life. I chased some fleeting comfort from you knowing I wouldn’t be around for the consequences.” V had to stop in her tracks, waiting for Judy to look her in the eyes.

“That was cruel of me, I knew you… felt something more and I didn’t. It’s not fair to you to be stuck down here helping my sorry ass but I appreciate it.” Judy crossed her arms but nodded.

“Mean what I said before, wanna talk with you more once you and Johnny figure your shit out. Not to rekindle anything to be clear.” She raised her chin as V nodded.

“Ready out here?” Misty leaned out of the doorway giving V one of her trademark smiles. Judy tilted her head but waited for V to move first.

“Yeah.” V’s hands balled into fists at her side, her knuckles turning white.

“Let’s go get the stupid bastard.”


	6. NC Is Lonely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're about half way there folks! This chapter takes place from Johnny's POV.  
> Title altered a little, LA Is Lonely by Ricky Manning

_I've tried and I tried to keep an open mind_   
_But the hands on the clock never stop_   
_The older I am oh the quicker the sand in_   
_The old hourglass seems to drop_

_Oh, but they don't see_   
_I quit twice a day_   
_But I can't leave_   
_Everyone's home counting on me_   
_To be who they want me to be_

_Shit shit shit shit SHIT_.

Johnny wasn’t sure where he was, unable to force his eyes open with so little energy. He had felt freezing, thinking whatever that booby-trap was back in Mikoshi was zero-ing him for his stupidity.

_Just because it was V’s doesn’t mean I should’ve touched it fuck._

Now, he felt almost uncomfortably warm. He’s not sure but he thinks he feels the weight of several blankets; a heating pad placed over his chest too, something purring maybe? He could hear arguing going on somewhere nearby but was struggling to understand anything, sound distorted like he was under water.

_“-reckless, could’ve flatlined yourself-“_

_“-knew what I was doing-“_

_“fucking LUCKY is what-“_

Johnny couldn’t help letting out a groan; tingling in his limbs giving him some feeling back and it felt like shit. Felt like he was run over by one of this long-haul semi’s he used to pass goin to slow for his tastes, he got clipped by one once back in the day so ever since he gave them a wide berth. A thought was bouncing around the back of his head, however long he spent in Mikoshi he didn’t feel any physical pain so this must be….

“V…?” The sound barely over a whisper he managed to force out his question, voice rough with disuse.

He felt soft hands with calloused fingers squeeze his organic hand, rubbing gentle circles into his palm. With what felt like a herculean effort he opened his eyes and _fuck,_ the sight of V leaning over him, eyes brimming with tears and her smile bright as the sun; he could die right now and he’d be okay with that. His eyes stinged, tears welling up out of his control as she hugged him tight. Eventually she managed to rein hers in, leaning back and cupping his cheek in her hand.

“Hey there Samurai.”

“S’my line Princess.”

“Dick.”

“Cunt.”

He felt like a lovesick teenager, he and V unable to take their eyes off the other; big smiles filled with adoration. Darkness crept on the edges of his vision however, body must not be done catchin z’s even after a fifty year sleep. With a sigh he closed his eyes, mumbling to V asking her not to leave. Before he was fully pulled under he felt her squeeze his hand, promising to never.

* * *

The next time he awoke he was pretty sure he was in a bed, a warm weight along his right side. Opening his eyes he was face to face with V’s on his chest, her eyes closed, breathing slowed and lips slightly parted. He’s met thousands of beautiful women back when he was alive, fucked a bunch of ‘em too but here and now watching V’s head rise and fall on his chest with his breathing he thinks she would knock all of them off his radar.

In his sleep his right arm had curled around her midsection possessively, her right leg hooked over his, and her right hand had found it’s way under his shirt to rest on his chest. He doesn’t remember a time where he woke up in bed with someone and felt…loved. Fuck he wanted to just lay here for as long as possible but the more he gazed at V the more he realized just how rough she looked.

Dark purple circles had set in under her eyes, her skin lacking it’s usual glow, lips cracked and chapped she looked worse off than when he left. Unable to resist he brought his left hand up and tucked a piece of her hair back behind her ear, he’s been wanting to do that for months.

Must’ve been a light sleep for her as she stirred under his touch. He was a goner that much was certain, the way she scrunched her nose as she started to wake, her eyes half lidded as she rubbed her hand in gentle circles into his abdomen. She looked pretty exhausted and he still had hearts in his eyes.

“Mm, didn’t mean to wake you.” His throat felt rough, he brought his metal hand up and scratched at his beard.

“S’okay, needed to get up soon anyway, wanted to talk to you to.”

He raised his eyebrows in expectation, trailing his right hand up and down her side and reveling in the way it made her shiver. V propped herself up on her left arm, mirroring his light caresses to his chest with her right; she smirked when she saw him swallow hard.

V sighed “It’s been about two months since Mikoshi….”

Johnny nodded, his fingers on his right hand squeezed into her side grounding him.

“I…” V stopped to pull out his dog tags and her medallion from her shirt, sliding them off her neck.

“You should have these back.” V held his dog tags toward him, face unreadable.

Johnny shook his head “They’re yours now and a promise I aim to keep, wouldn’t be right takin ‘em back.” V’s eyes met his with an intense gleam as a soft smile formed on her face.

“Not sure there’s anything you can do about that now but I get it.” V stared at her hand making up her mind she pulled her bullet medallion’s chain, undoing the clasp in the process and placed his dog tags back around her neck. She fixed the clasp and shifted up to place it over his neck in turn.

“Mhmm, what promise do I get?” He tried to play it off as a joke, the air around them seemed tense and serious. V looked away from him, fidgeting with his dog tags instead.

“That I’ll try. Obviously still have a countdown, it’s just much shorter than Alt calculated.”

“How short V?” She closed her eyes and sighed, he was getting pretty frustrated with the sighing.

“V?” Johnny struggled to get himself up to a sitting position but he managed; placing his back to the wall sitting side by side with V.

“Best case scenario, end of the week.” She rolled her head on the wall to face him with a resigned expression.

He narrowed his eyes and frowned, Alt’s last words mentioned V saving him but nothing about this. Now he wonders if she had just lied to them, gave a number that sounded long enough to make the choice worth it; but why?

“This whole place,” he gestured around the room they were in noticing some of her things scattered about “not just for me is it.” She nodded in response.

“You should thank Rogue really, this whole op was her plan. She got the Mox involved so Judy’s with them, Vik, Misty, some ex-Biotechnica scientists, Kerry’s been helping with funding and the Aldecaldos run supplies back ‘n forth. The compound stays sealed except for an airlock by the entrance, otherwise we’re shut in.”

He let out a long whistle, “s’lotta people for little ‘ol us huh.”

“Yeah I’m not comfortable with it either and uh…River’s down here too, set you up with some paperwork; made you legit.” He let out a snort and wrapped his right arm around her waist.

“Should let you know Johnny, I feel like a gonk. I took what Grayson said as fact and should’ve known better, if anything you were a thorn in Arasoka’s side it was stupid of me to believe they’d just dump your body.”

He pulled her closer to him and she rested her head on his shoulder.

“So they had me huh, lemme guess, frozen as a popsicle.” V nodded.

“After our little rebellion ‘soka got desperate, Hanako being the only heir left decided to sell off assets like glitter to stay solvent.”

“My body being one of them?”

“Correct. Thanks go to Rogue for that too.” V balled her fists together in her lap.

“What I am struggling to understand, is how Alt didn’t know. We gave her full access to their systems there had to be logs buried in there about you.” He hummed in agreement, something not adding up.

“Why tell us you had six months when it’s actually two.” It was V’s turn to hum, tapping a rhythm he didn’t recognize on his thigh.

“They got a plan for you?” He placed his left hand on her cheek and lifted her head to face him.

“Plan doesn’t feel like the right word, more like options.” She sagged against him,

“I’m not gonna like them, huh.”

“Don’t think so.” With that V crawled into his lap, tucking her head under his chin and wrapping her arms around his waist.

“You have to talk to me ‘bout it V, can’t read your mind anymore.” He wrapped his arms around her, trailing his right hand up and down her back in a soothing motion.

“Option one is to use your cryo-pod, freeze me until the lab coats from Biotechnica figure it all out, which could be never.” Her voice came out small for someone he viewed as this giant unstoppable force. He squeezed his arms tighter around her.

“What’s option two.”

“Hook my body up to life support, pull out the relic and shove their prototype in with a copy of my construct, courtesy of Alt.” He could feel hot tears start to soak his tank.

“Who we’re struggling to trust.” He felt V nod into his neck.

“There’s also no guarantee the equipment will keep my body alive long enough for the switch. As soon as they pull it I’ll flatline, their prototype won’t have nanites to revive me like yours did.” Johnny hummed. she was right that he didn’t like any; so far option two scaring him the most.

“There’s one more….” The words came out cracked, a fresh wave of tears wet his neck. He blew out a breath in an effort to steady himself.

“I let the relic finish it’s course.”

“No.” He didn’t mean for the word to come out so loud, the intensity of it echoing around the concreate room.

“Johnny I-“

“You promised to try.” The tension in her body eased as she lifted her head to look him in the eyes.

“Okay.”

“Nova.” That got a chuckle out of her leaving a soft smile in it’s wake. Johnny had never been able to get this close to V, the weight of her in his arms, the little bump in her nose from when she set it herself during their suicide run, the moles that dotted her skin like constellations left him breathless. His eyes darted across her face trying to commit it all to memory, the prospect of losing her so soon after returning making his thoughts frantic.

“Thinkin too much Johnny.” The corners of her eyes crinkled as she spoke.

“Pffft- you used to tell me I had nothin in there but rage” He tapped her forehead with his left hand causing V to groan at the touch.

“Mmm not so bad, feels nice.” She brought his metal hand and laid the back of it across her forehead letting out a pleasant sound. He looked around the room while he waited for V to make the next move, noticing some monitoring equipment by the bed, a desk with a bunch of papers strewn about, and a wardrobe slightly ajar; that reminded him, what the fuck was he wearing?

Johnny looked down at himself, simple white tank and grey sweatpants. He was pretty sure he knew who they belonged to but decided against asking; bringing up Jackie Welles seemed a little too much for her to handle right now. Ah fuck.

“V get up.”

“Wha-“

“Haven’t pissed in fifty years, Jesus fucking christ.” V rolled off him onto the bed and howling out in laughter. He’d be more offended if it hadn’t hit him all at once.

“Bathroom?”

Trying to control her laughter enough to stop shaking she pointed to a door next to the wardrobe. He nodded and practically sprinted, slamming the door behind him. He could still hear her, laughter picking up again. He was happy about it though, haven’t heard her laugh like that since they rode that roller coaster she jerry-rigged in Pacifica. He took a moment after kicking the toilet seat up to look down and confirm the goods as he pissed. Yup, impressive cock all accounted for. He heard V shuffle closer to the door giving it two taps.

“After you’re done in there I’ve got some surprises for you.” He grunted in response, tucking himself back into the sweatpants and flushed.

“Think I should take a shower?” He posed it as a question rather than just doing it, unsure of her schedule for the day.

“Yeah that’s probably a good Idea, clean towels are on the rack feel free to use my stuff.” She sounded content, his heart skipped a beat in response.

“You could join me.” He tried to conjure up that suave version of himself from 2020, maybe entice her to act. They haven’t talked about the kiss in Mikoshi, what it meant, what it means _now_ ; it makes him nervous.

“Maybe after lunch.” Johnny stumbled undressing, earning another fit of laughter on the other side of the door. The sound like the best song he ever heard.


	7. Who Do You Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title is Who Do You Love by Mariana's Trench from the album Astoria.

_"Well, I've been deep in this sleeplessness  
I don't know why  
Just can't get away from myself  
When I get back on my feet I'll blow this open wide  
And carry me home in good health"_

* * *

_“I made a promise to you V but you’re makin it real fuckin hard right now to follow through!” Johnny was practically yelling at her, the rage akin to their first moment together._

_“You gotta get movin, at this rate you’ll decomish before we learn fuck all.” She didn’t acknowledge him, eyes not even tracking him pacing back and forth like usual. She doesn’t remember how she got here, where ‘here’ even was but her anger was burning white hot so it didn’t matter. He stopped pacing in front of her, leaning in close to blow digital smoke in her face that she could somehow smell, what a fuckin asshole._

_“I’ll get us to the meeting with that corpo lap dog then, fuck. This whole pity party ain’t gonna make me feel sad about it either.”_

_“Then do it, pussy!” V was frothing at the mouth in turn, getting up close and personal to the parasite. He took two steps back towards the dingy wall to keep some distance between them._

_“You want to stay in the driver’s seat so fuckin bad, then do it! I’m done.” She stood up from the seedy mattress she had found herself on after Johnny’s latest bender. Stupid. So stupid to trust him again. She thought after their heart to heart at Pistis Sophia that he understood, that maybe this could be a friendship instead of something toxic. But here she was, V the merc who could constantly be duped. How pathetic._

_“Why are you being so pissy with me, gave back the keys in the end!” He threw his arms up into the air and gestured at her. V didn’t even bother looking at him, she woke up seething but now she was just hollow._

_“You know what Johnny, I see what you do when you get to drive; playin out in front of me like a bad brain dance. It’s not always everything, coming in chunks but it was enough. ” She slammed the door as she exited the abandoned apartment complex, she wasn’t quite sure where in Night City she was but she knew it wasn’t one of their usual haunts. V didn’t know the streets like he did being a nomad and all, but she was learning._

_“V-“_

_“I made a deal with you, no ‘entanglements’ because it wasn’t **FAIR** to you. Feelin what I feel and all so who I fuck you fuck.” Johnny was looking steadfast away from her sucking on one of his cigarette constructs like his life depended on it._

_“So explain to me asshole, why you went on a conquest to fuck, and I mean literally fuck up all my friendships.” Her voice was wavering but she needed to get this out before it bubbled up, consumed her from the inside out._

_“S’only hand stuff-“ V slapped him hard, the sound echoing between them; it made her wonder how this whole engram shit worked since it was so damn inconsistent. Johnny tensed, his cheek stinging being one of the first sensations he experienced unfiltered by V._

_“I’m sorry.” He held her wrist as a reflex but let it go when he felt her pull away._

_“HAH.” She threw her head back, arms crossed in front of her hugging her tightly._

_“Because ‘sorry’ magically erases you using me to fingerbang Rogue, try with **JUDY** , and honestly can’t believe, Panam.” He winced, the nomad in question was actually the trigger for their whole deal. V was definitely attracted to the outcast, a soft spot for someone so similar to her origins but they had agreed on how…unethical getting into a relationship would be. He just wanted them both to relieve some tension, especially since they couldn’t- Johnny shook his head in an attempt to dislodge that train of thought. She had gotten ahold of part of it anyway._

_“It’s not your decision on how I relieve stress Johnny!” She walked over to Jackie’s Arc sticking out like a sore thumb in the run-down parking lot and leaned against it. She tilted her head up to the sky watching the advertisement drones whiz past._

_“Did you even tell them it wasn’t me at the helm?”_

_“Told Rogue….”he mumbled it out, guilty conscious and all being new to him was probably V’s fault; doesn’t change that he felt that way anyways._

_“Tried to make a pass at Judy when I saw her at Lizzies, couldn’t go through with it after those bambi eyes she made at you. Panam knew it wasn’t you as soon as she saw me, perceptive that hot head, she slapped me and told me to tell you to call her. Ya know after I was done being me.” A tense silence stretched out for longer than had ever happened between them. A testament to how royally he had fucked up._

_“You wanna know what the worst part of this is? If you had just talked to me, this morning would have been different.” She clenched her jaw as she heard him glitch beside her._

_“Somehow I doubt that V.”_

_“Oh let’s be clear, Judy and Panam would still be sore spots but Rogue? Shit Johnny I know how you felt about her even after Alt.” She glanced over at him, back in his armored vest and aviators; closed off Johnny was hard to talk to at the best of times and this certainly wasn’t one. She watched a frown develop, watched as he flicked away the cig in frustration._

_“I’m not-I’m not a well adjusted person, obviously. Old me wouldn’t have even apologized, wouldn’t have meant it either even if he did. I always find a way to fuck up even if it’s something as simple as breathin.” He took off his aviators and V turned to look him in the eyes._

_“I took advantage of you V, wanted to feel alive again so I fell into bad habits like a favorite pair of shoes.” His eyes darted all over her face seemingly searching for something._

_“M’not sure if whatever I am is even capable of change and before this I certainly wasn’t but I-I want to make a new deal with you.”_

_“Deals don’t seem to stick with you choom.” She saw the corners of his eyes crinkle with a tentative smile._

_“Okay not a deal, I’ll make you a promise.” She nodded, with more and more of her time reliving the Johnny Silverhand life journey she knew he kept his promises or died trying._

_“I promise to **try** being less of an asshole, we’re in this together and I’d be a fool not to try and take advantage of my second chance. Maybe have some character growth who knows.”_

_He held out his right hand and waited uncertain. With a firm grip V clapped her hand to his forearm and pulled, bringing him forward. Johnny’s eyes went wide, not used to all this physical contact between them; in the back of his mind he idly understood how this was probably a bad thing. Being lost in his thoughts didn’t last long though, V had pulled him forward and fucking flipped him onto the asphalt. Should feel winded by the blow but as he looked up he noticed her cracking a smile. A warm feeling seeped into his chest something familiar yet terrifying, he chose that moment to glitch back into V._

_She sighed as she threw her right leg over Jackie’s arch, settling into the seat to balance the bike as she plotted the course to a gig nearby. Dying and all didn’t exempt her from the cost of residing in Night City, this gig wasn’t worth all that much but hey eddies were eddies. She shifted her weight on her right leg, using her left to flip up the kickstand with the heel of her combat boot. She took a moment to check the bike’s gauges when something on her right forearm caught her eye. A bandage maybe? She didn’t feel injured or anything so she picked at the top edge to reveal what was underneath, a simple black outline of a heart with ‘Johnny + V’ written in the middle._

_“Johnny get back out here so I can kick your gonk ass!”_

* * *

* * *

V was completely lost in thought as she traced the outline of the tattoo, swaying a little in the office chair she had rolled closer to the bathroom. So entranced that she didn’t hear the shower turn off, didn’t hear the soft footsteps exiting the bathroom so she was startled by his hands; one on her knee one on her cheek. Johnny was looking at like her like he was scared, she could see his mouth moving but whatever the words were they didn’t reach her. Sound replaced by an all-encompassing ringing in her ears. Johnny’s hair was wet and plastered to his face, her eyes tracked a drop of water sliding slowly down his neck and onto his chest. His bare chest…

V felt her face heat and something wet trickling down her chin, she brought up her left hand to her nose and it came back red. The ringing in her ears intensified reaching an overwhelming crescendo with the room spinning around her. Johnny’s grip on her strengthened, alleviating the creeping darkness she knows should come next.

“Joh-nny need my- I need my blockers-need to” She tried to reach for them, the bottle resting on the night stand that seemed miles away. Luckily, he didn’t need to be told twice. With a speed she didn’t know he possessed he grabbed the bottle, fishing out two orange pills and pressing them into her mouth and encouraged her to swallow.

They remained in the same position for what felt like eternity, V with her hands on his chest right over his heart, Johnny with both of his hands cradling her cheeks; their eyes both locked onto each other’s. Inch by inch and minute by minute the ringing in her ears started to fade, the spasms dissipating as she focused on the heart beat beneath her fingertips.

“C’mon V you gotta breath with me here babe, try and match mine. In and out, there we go. Back with me here?”

“You’re really here” the words spilled out of her as she came out of the attack.

“Yeah I’m here, was that another relic malfunction?” She nodded, watched with a morbid fascination as his expression cycled through so many emotions she couldn’t quite place.

“What’d you say, when you came out of the bathroom and found me?” She was delighted to see a blush tinge his cheeks, his chest flushing along with it. Made the whole attack almost worth it just to see, well not really, but close.

“Tried to ask you what the schedule was for today, got no reply so I kind of…rushed out, you were staring at your arm and shaking.”

“Guess I got so caught up in you being back, forgot to take my meds.” She sighed aggressively rubbing her hands over her face once he had let go; her skin tingled everywhere he had held.

“Know I’m handsome and all V but my good looks can’t cure ya, least I don’t think so….”

“I know narcissism is your thing **_babe_** , but you’ll sooner handsome me to death I think.”

Johnny grumbled absentmindedly rubbing his hands up and down her thighs, mumbling something about taking it all back. He went back into the bathroom and brought out a wet washcloth and dabbed at the mess the bloody nose had left behind, giving a satisfied pat when he was done. A silence stretched out between them, not necessarily uncomfortable before she remembered.

“Oh yeah I was gonna give you your surprise!” she clapped her hands together, using her legs to propel herself with the rolling chair to the wardrobe. She let out a grunt of victory as she pulled the box out and to the floor, motioning for him to look inside.

“Now I know you were there when I found most of these relics but I think it’s time they’re reunited with their true owner, don’t you?”

Johnny gave her one of the brightest smiles she had ever seen from him, holding each new item that he pulled out of the box with reverence. He must have found the one item she had procured without him, a pair of well-worn black boots.

“You found my shoes?” The question came out quiet, as if he wasn’t sure himself.

“You found my _actual_ shoes, not a replica….” His right thumb traced over a pattern on the bottom of the left sole, recognition sparked in his eyes.

“Promise not to fall into familiar bad habits?” V tried to play it as a joke, this whole morning going way off her plotted course.

When he didn’t respond she thought it was the wrong call, maybe teasing him about his faults was toeing too far over the line they’d drawn. She had opened her mouth to apologize, say she was bein a gonk for joking about stuff she doesn’t have locked down herself when he held up his right hand to pause her. She watched as he gingerly placed the boots back in the box, watched as he slid it out of the way between them with determination burning behind his eyes.

He moved agonizingly slow giving her plenty of time to tap out, make some excuse but as soon as he was kneeled in front of her, gaze filled with adoration and hunger she couldn’t help but bite on her bottom lip.

That being all the permission he seemed to need Johnny mirrored the position they were just in minutes ago, hand on her cheek and thigh but this time angling his face just right to graze her lips. The kiss far gentler than what she had expected. V let out a huff, grasping his face between her own hands to press their lips together again, making her intentions clear as she licked into his mouth. He got the message and picked up the pace, plunging his tongue deeper into her as wound her arm around his neck.

They were left gasping as they pressed their foreheads against each other, the need for air breaking the best damn kiss she thinks she’s ever experienced. She couldn’t resist darting in for one more, sucking on his bottom lip as she pulled away. The moan she dragged out of him almost convinced her to throw the schedule for the day in the trash, the dwindling sand in her hourglass be damned. Johnny seemed to agree, leaning back in for another only to be stopped by her pressing three fingers to his lips.

“Pretty sure we kiss one more time I’m won’t be able to stop and we have stuff we have to do today.” She doesn’t remember a time she felt so giddy and breathless.

“Think you’re on the top of my-” She took great satisfaction watching him land flat on his back with a ‘Oof’ after using her feet to push him over.

“S’worth a shot.”

“Think I’m gonna go take a shower now then I’ll give you the run down.” She gathered some clothes out of the wardrobe and left him on the floor, giving her a half-hearted salute as she passed. Unlike her usual style she was in and out of the shower in record time, clothes on, hair fixed and she was stuck staring into the mirror.

She hadn’t asked Misty to grab any of her makeup having forgone it after Mikoshi, but now she would kill for some concealer to hide these dark circles. Her clothes hung loose from her frame, her collarbone jutting out more prominently than before, all cues that she needed to make her decision today. She sighed and knocked twice on the door.

“Ya decent out there?”

“Know me darlin, never been known to be decent.”

She found him swiveling in her desk chair tapping the chorus to Chippin In on his knee, dressed in his signature samurai tank, vest, leather pants, aviators, and of course shoes. She couldn’t resist the urge to poke at him, confirm this wasn’t some fever dream.

“Hey!” he slapped at her hand, sticking his tongue out at her after she laughed at him.

“Lot’s to do today, first there’s a check up for you and me by one of those ex-biotechnica scientists Rogue hired, then if all goes well we get a lunch break. After that we gotta go call Rogue update her on your successful resurrection.” She listed them off tapping a finger to her chin. “Give you the tour of the compound too, just in case.”

“The proverbial Queen ain’t locked in with us?”

“Nope.” V held her hand out indicating to him it was time to get going.

He grasped her forearm and pulled her down to his lap instead, sucking a rather impressive hickey into her neck.

“God you really are just horny all the time aren’t ya.” V elbowed him with a little force, earning a groan from the rockerboy.

“Stop being so mean to me or I swear to god I’ll fall in love with you.”

“As if you aren’t already.”

And with that she and Johnny set out towards the labs, arm in arm grinning like lovesick fools.

* * *

“Give it to me straight Doc, I’m terminally good looking aren’t I.” Johnny just couldn’t resist being a little shit not even six hours since resurrected; still managed to get a snort out of her though.

“Mr. Lin-“

“Johnny. Silverhand.”

That easy back and forth they had going dried up in an instant. _V was pretty sure this lab coat was gonna piss himself. Sure piss off the terrorist you just brought back to life I dare ya._ V let out a snicker when Johnny eased himself back into the ripper chair. She was really hoping they could have this check up with Vik instead but he was unreachable for the next several hours; something about being in the zone.

“Mr. Silverhand, in a surprising turn of events your cells remained intact after immersing your body in the hydrophobic solution-”

“Don’t have a biology degree here Phil just give me the spark note version.”

Both V and the lab coat (whose name she was pretty sure wasn’t Phil) gave him confused looks, spark note?

“Fuck I’m old.” Johnny ran his right hand roughly over his face.

“Just give me the highlights; am I good? No secret Arasoka mind control chip implanted in my skull? Why’s my arm different? Ya know the important shit.”

“Ah I can explain the arm.” She piped up, fidgeting with the dog tags.

“About halfway into bringing you back I realized no one thought to check if that relic was still functional.” She pointed to his left arm. “So Vik and I worked together on retrofitting a combination of your old arm with new tech, should be just as impressive as your original arm.”

“Well this rel-“ Johnny started gesturing to his crotch.

“I don’t mean your impressive cock.”

“So you admit it’s impressive.”

“Didn’t take a peak.”

“Liar.”

“You know what, I change my mind. Put him back under Phil.”

Not Phil seemed unimpressed choosing to ignore them both.

“Now Ms. V, if you please.” The scientist gestured towards the chair indicating Johnny’s checkup was over with. They traded places, Johnny leaning against the wall with his arms crossed and V settled into the examination chair; several pieces of monitoring equipment being hooked up to her. She kept her eyes trained on Johnny, too afraid to look at any monitors to confirm what she knows already.

“All considered Ms. V I am pleased with your readouts, If we can maintain these levels we should be able to proceed with Plan A.” He clasped his chart shut and placed it on the table behind him, grabbing a tray filled with several empty vials.

“Now I need to take several blood samples for the last stage of our prototype, I am sure Dr. Vector explained our theory.” He snapped the edge of the nitrile gloves on his wrists before swabbing an alcohol prep pad on the crook of her left elbow. V in her sordid life as a nomad turned Night City merc had more painful things done to her, the fall from Yorinobu’s suite comes to mind, but she hated doing these blood draws. She would swear she could feel as the blood seeped out of her and it made her queasy, at least Johnny was here to take her mind off of it.

“Let’s just say I wasn’t paying attention, run it by me again?” She winced as the needle pressed into her vein, sticking her tongue out at Johnny when he smirked at her hissing.

“While it is true the Arasoka Relic had rewritten your cells to accommodate Mr. Silverhand here, I believe some of your own authentic DNA remains jumbled within your plasma. The short explanation, our prototype will act as a vaccine. It will take several doses before I could confidently say you will be immune to the Relic’s disease but I do believe it is possible.” With that the man was done, pressing a cotton pad down on the withdrawal site then wrapping it in a pretty pink flex tape. He handed her a small cup with the usual electrolyte mixture and a small cookie, she couldn’t help but laugh when Johnny complained about not getting one himself.

“Take it easy for the afternoon Ms. V, my team will call you later.” He escorted her and Johnny out of the room and locked the door behind him. Johnny’s eyebrows went up with a frown at the abrupt end to the appointment but all she could do was shrug.

“Since my fast is now over, let’s go get some food.”

“Mmm buying me food before I put out, s’pose we could have a little date first.”

“Pfft- You heard Phil, I have to take it **easy** which was code for no S-E-X.”

“I can fuckin spell V, ‘m not a dog.” He huffed but still draped his right arm over her shoulder as she guided them towards the cafeteria. Halfway there she decided on a short detour on the way, maybe introduce Johnny to the wayward stray he convinced her to adopt early into their cohabitation. She still couldn't wipe the lovesick grin off her face, finally feeling whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention I'm playing a little fast and loose with the timeline here, their argument in that flash back is after Pistis Sophia and before the date with Rogue. Instead of johnny getting The Tattoo on the first bender he gets it during this second non-canon one.  
> Sorry for the long delay between chapters I live in Texas right now and uh, power is an issue! I had a tough time picking where to break this chapter up so if it feels a little abrupt that's my bad.


	8. This Means War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This Means War from Mariana's Trench album Astoria
> 
> Another flash back and a mid pov shift. Next chapter I'm gonna have to update the tags ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

"I just wished you'd open fire on me  
So I can see you still worry  
If I care

And you can laugh some  
Reminisce some  
From the same old stories to the new ones  
When the nights done, you'll just see me around

But that's not what I came here for, my amour  
I hate to admit it but I miss the war

Gotta get you under fire quick  
Brace for it  
I'd rather be a riot than be indifferent"

_“You’re not gonna fuck a cop V.”_

_“Ex-cop and you have zero say in who I fuck, especially now.”_

_V had made an excuse to River after dinner, saying she needed to call her ripperdoc about something real quick then she’d meet him at the water tower. The whole date had Johnny’s stomach in knots; he was nice to her, he was good with kids, with his sister and his whole fuckin trailer park. Everything he couldn’t be and it was getting on his goddamn nerves, he didn’t want to focus too much on the why._

_“You fuck him and it’s like I’m fuckin him, thought we weren’t doin that.”_

_“Then you shouldn’t have finger banged Rogue in MY. BODY.”_

_V turned away from him to face the water tower, returning the wave River gave her standing far away at the fence. Johnny knew he had no right to be mad about this, all’s fair in love and war right? Wait- Johnny glitched in front of her vision, completely blocking her view of River._

_“He probably has a tiny dick V! Doesn’t look like he knows what to do with good pussy either. You fuck him and you’re gonna leave regretting it.”_

_He summoned another digital cigarette construct and looked away from her. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw her jaw clench and her eyes harden. Fuck, wrong thing to say._

_“Thought you bein a Nomad you wouldn’t touch pig dick with a ten foot pole.”_

_Johnny blew out digital smoke away from her before turning to look her in the eyes, taking his aviators off as he did so._

_“Former pig dick.”_

_They locked eyes and remained silent. Johnny wondered how long they could keep arguing about this before the pig lost interest and they could just go home. Course that’s not what happens, if stubborn gives as stubborn gets he should have known she couldn’t walk away. This wasn’t because she actually liked River like that, it was about getting even; and what better way than fucking a cop Johnny couldn’t stand._

_“Bet he doesn’t make you cum.”_

_Before V could say anything, do anything, he glitched back into the recess of her mind. He’ll still see and feel everything but this way she can’t see how bad that’s getting to him. Cowardice thy name is Johnny Silverhand._

* * *

* * *

“So the prodigal son returns. Tell me Icarus, how was the Sun?”

Rogue’s projected image flickered in and out, the ‘secure line’ being the only way to contact her didn’t seem to do anything for the connection quality. V feels nervous, she and the Queen had only spoken once since she had arrived at the compound and it was tense to say the least. So V schooled her expression and trained her eyes on a spot just above Rogue’s head; the less emotional ammo she gave to the head fixer the better.

“You should have some idea since you left me there.”

That got an eyebrow raise from V but her gaze didn’t waver, whatever trust issues Johnny has with her V can’t afford to bite the hand that feeds.

“Think I’ve cleared that debt now.” Rogue rolled her eyes in response to Johnny’s huff.

“Not until V’s sorted.” He jutted his chin up and nodded towards her. Ah fuck, now her attention shifted to her. Thanks Johnny.

“Spoke with Edgar and Vik before your call but I want to hear it from you V, we reach a consensus here on how to proceed?”

Fuck Rogue really knew everything; she had been trying to act aloof, unbothered by the call she got from Dr. Ramirez but it was all a mask she was trying desperately to hide behind. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Johnny mutter ‘Who the fuck is Edgar?’

“Phil from earlier.”

“Oh, that guy.”

“V! Focus here.” Rogue’s connection dipped in and out, her voice coming out garbled.

“Don’t have the luxury of consensus.”

She needed to be short and to the point or she’s gonna crack. Rogue obviously didn’t like her answer, muttering something under her breath before turning her attention back to Johnny.

“Johnny go wait outside.” Shit fucking fuuuuuuck….

“Not a chance in Hell Sweetheart.”

He patted his back pocket out of habit looking for smokes that weren’t there, he threw his hands up in frustration.

“Not asking again.”

With that two security guards entered the room, big, brawny, and stupid looking; just what Rogue likes for hired muscle. Johnny seemed undeterred, obviously eyeing them up and not backing down.

“I’ll be fine Johnny honestly.”

She saw him narrow his eyes, calculating whether or not it was worth fighting her on this. He didn’t doubt she could hold her own in a battle of wits with someone like Rogue, they’ve had that discussion many times before so this must be concern for something else. Must not have hid how scared she was very well. She really missed him fuck.

“ _Please_ Johnny.”

He closed his eyes, let out a deep sigh and nodded. The security guards flanked either side of him as he was escorted out of the room. She couldn’t help but crack a smile as he flipped Rogue off on the way out.

“What’s going on V.” and just like that a little crack appeared in her veneer.

“Thought this whole op was so I wouldn’t flatline, now they say it’s the only option left.”

She could feel her eyes burning, she willed the tears threatening to fall back.

“I was told they had found a way around that….”

“Dr. Ramirez’s treatment isn’t a cure outright.”

V tapped her finger just below the neural port in emphasis.

“If I have any hope in it working, the relic has to come out.”

Rogue remained silent, wheels obviously turning as she took her words in. _Fuck it, time to bite._

“And since we’re alone let’s cut the bullshit. What are you really getting out of this?”

V had been spending her free time since arriving at the compound trying to sus out the fixer’s true motive in between the constant tests. She had only gotten fragments here and there but it wasn’t enough to see the whole picture.

“Paying back a debt.”

“Sorry can you say that again? Getting a lot of _bullshit_ clogging up the feed.”

V cupped her hand to her ear for the full effect. Rogue’s expression shifted from a mask of indifference to frustration.

“Fine.”

* * *

“So do you guys get paid to lick Rogue’s boots or what?”

Not getting the rise out of the muscle he wanted, Johnny just shrugged. He took up his post directly opposite of the door, leaning against the wall; his posture trying to exude indifference. He didn’t like both of them being in a room alone together even if his old output wasn’t there physically.

He tapped his left heel against the concrete in lieu of his usual pacing. Ever since the start he had wanted out of V’s head, desperate to have his thoughts back to himself but now? Now he’d trade in his one remaining arm just to be able to read her thoughts like before, like she could for him.

The clacking of boots drew his attention away from the door briefly. Of fucking course the one person he didn’t want to see was headed straight for him ridiculous coat and all.

“What do you want Ward.”

Johnny tried to make his words come out with dismissal and obvious disinterest but of course, the ex-cop didn’t pick up on the cues. Maybe it was a good thing he wasn’t a detective anymore, he snorted to himself.

“You must be Johnny.”

River held out his hand to shake. Johnny’s eyes shifted to the extended hand briefly before returning his attention back to the door, arms remaining crossed over his chest. River simply lowered his hand back to his side.

“Heard security being called to communications, thought I’d follow up.”

He said it like he wasn’t tryin to catch a peek at V, goddamn did he wish he had some smokes to blow in his face; he’d have to settle for ignoring him instead.

Another sound of boots tapping down the hallway drew Johnny’s eyes; this time leaving a smirk on his face instead as he drew his eyes back to the door. Wordlessly Saul brushed past River and settled in between the PI and the rockerboy, leaning against the wall as he tapped the bottom of a pack of cigarettes. He pulled out one, placed it in his mouth while he handed the rest of the pack to Johnny; he eagerly pulled one out himself, tucking the pack into his back pocket.

Saul flicked his lighter a couple of times before getting it lit, taking a deep inhale before making like he was going to toss it to Johnny but he held up his hand; pulling out his own lighter from his front pocket. It had been in the box V had collected all of his things in, he thought it was funny she remembered to pack it but not any smokes to go with it.

“Thanks.” Johnny said after a slow exhale of smoke. Saul just nodded, eyes glued to the same door as him.

“You guys really shouldn’t smoke in here.”

River’s eyes darted between the both of them, he seemed too smug for Johnny’s liking so he blew his next cloud of smoke in his direction; he didn’t think Saul would mind much and he was right. The Aldecaldo leader followed suit, tapping the ash off the end of his cigarette as he did so.

“Should go Ward, she’s made herself clear.”

Saul made a ‘go away’ gesture with his hand before depositing his cig back into his mouth and crossing his arms. Johnny knew he liked Saul and the nomad was proving his judge of character twice over since but now his hackles are up. What the fuck is he talking about? He raised one eyebrow and tilted his head towards the other two men.

“Clear about what now?”

The words came out surprisingly calmer than Johnny had expected himself to be, his left fingers twitched against his chest; practically itching for a fight.

“And I was clear about just being friends.”

River shrugged, ignoring his question as if it wasn’t obvious to everyone, even Saul and Johnny about how much horseshit that was. Saul shook his head, another long drag followed by a slow exhale, Johnny enjoyed the burn of the nicotine as he mimicked the action.

“You’re really going to back the guy that was killing her?”

Johnny tensed at that, he hoped it wasn’t noticeable that that was an obvious button River could push. Saul didn’t give the guy much time to though as he pushed off the wall and got in the former cop’s face.

“Silverhand and the Aldecaldo’s go way back, V caring about him just sweetens the pot.”

River’s height towered over the nomad leader but from where Johnny was standing, Saul was clearly more intimidating. Johnny lazily moved his attention back to the door.

“You weren’t even born when he was alive I don’t see how-” Saul cut him off.

“Don’t need to be.” He tapped the remaining ash off his cig before taking one last drag and crushing it underneath his boot.

“You ride with us, you’re one of us. Doesn’t matter how long it’s been since.”

River and Saul seemed to be locked into a staring contest, with River being the loser. Johnny smirked as the has-been called to the security goons and left with them in tow. He grunted a ‘thanks’ as Saul came back and leaned against the wall.

“Don’t misunderstand Silverhand, you hurt V and the whole clan will be on your ass faster than a fly on shit.”

“Would be insulted if they weren’t.”

Johnny was still trying to savor every last bit of nicotine, closing his eyes as he took the final long drag left, crushing it beneath his boot. He jumped off the wall when he opened his eyes to find V exiting with a look of fury on her face.

She spotted him and instantly her body language changed, fury replaced with fondness, shoulders once hunched up tight relaxed as she made her way to him. He struggled to hide his look of surprise when she went straight to drawing him into a hug, uncaring that there was someone else standing next to him.

Gingerly he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, and she tightened her grip on his waist in response. When he was an engram he never really paid attention to their height difference, he honestly thought they were about the same height but maybe that was just some engram fuckery at play; He was at least a whole foot taller than her, maybe two.

He stiffened when he felt her left hand wander from his middle to dip lower and settle over his right back pocket of his leather pants. He felt her laugh reverberate in his chest as she gripped the pack of cigarettes he forgot he put there.

“S’your turn.”

She mumbled into his chest before pulling away. He tried to pull her back in but she just shook her head, patting the bottom of the pack and pulling a cig out. He reached into his front pocket and flicked open his lighter, igniting the flame and leaning close. She smirked around the cigarette in her mouth as she leaned in too, taking short puffs as she held the cig over the flame.

“Guess it’s time to face the music.”

He flicked the cap of his lighter closed, tossing it in the air a couple of times before putting it back in his pocket. V tried to hand the pack back to him but he just shook his head and nodded towards his left.

“They’re Saul’s.”

The look of surprise on her face had Johnny realize she didn’t know the other nomad was there. That’s a bad sign, V had made it a point to keep herself focused on her surroundings ever since that disastrous meeting with Deshawn in the No Tell Motel. He used to make fun of her for it in the beginning, told her to loosen up every once in a while. He winced internally; she had gotten back at him for saying that by fucking River.

“I’ll hang out with ya until lover-boy there is done.”

Saul reached his arm up as V threw the pack his way, rolling her eyes as she and Johnny switched places. He was torn, not that he didn’t trust Saul or think he’d make a move on V it’s just, he hasn’t been alone with Rogue since the Drive In and that had gone real fuckin bad. There’s also the fact that V had a relic malfunction earlier and he’s worried it’ll happen again when he’s not around to help.

“The faster you get in there the faster we can leave and go do something fun.”

She had him whipped! Just the implication had him squirming, mind firmly in the gutter. Saul coughed and it was Johnny’s turn to smirk as V’s face turned a pretty shade of pink. Johnny’s gaze flickered between her eyes and her lips over and over. He grunted as he tore his eyes away, trying to focus on anything else; the door will have to do.

“Yeah…Ok. Yeah, let’s get this over with.”

With all the strength he could muster he threw open the doors and confidently strode into the room. The sound of the doors slamming shut the only noise between him and his most important ally. At least he hoped she still was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm shoving in all the references I want :P See if you can spot the mass effect one in this haha or any of the others.  
> Sorry for the delay I had 3 tests this week and it required a lot of studying. I know a lot of people unnecessarily dunk on River and I'm not exactly trying to do that but even if you romance him he just seems IDK too detached for my liking. The flash back takes place after the second non cannon escapade and the quest about River's nephew Randy but before the drive in with Rogue. In my playthrough V get's a bit self destructive and hits on/sleeps with anyone she can to distract her self from a certain someone ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic in ooooof like 10 years? It's just been bouncing in my head for the past two weeks and I think I need to write it down. Fic Title and chapter titles are Mariana's Trench songs bc they get me in that lovesick kind of mood. I'll try and post updates biweekly (bc I'm bi and I have to) but I just started college again so there might be delays. If you liked it please let me know! <3


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